Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
