I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We need to get me chipped asap
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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