Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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