p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
