my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
