Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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