bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
