Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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