wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
