This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
