I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
