You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
