I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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