I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
