My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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