Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sorry about my life...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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