okay pat passed out under dana's car
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
