I feel like abortions should bother me more
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
