My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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