Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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