The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
