She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
