I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
how drunk are you?
Several
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
