Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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