Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
