Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
