Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
