Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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