I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
