My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
