Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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