is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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