Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
