Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
