Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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