so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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