Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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