is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
