i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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