Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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