I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
