I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
