I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
