Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he fucked my hip out of place.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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