I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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