do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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