I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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