no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
