I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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