dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
