All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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