I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
