Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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