Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Found your dick twin last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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