Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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