kristin has been a bad kristin
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
