omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
