And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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