I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
