quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize