I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
