My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
