i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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