i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
