The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
