yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
