sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
