Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
