So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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