I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
