Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
