drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
