Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
