I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
