so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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