their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
