I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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